Before I discovered who I was, I felt like Alice in Wonderland. I was a chameleon, changing the guise depending on the circumstance. But now I know who I am. I must confess, though, that I often forget who I am.
But who am I? We, humans, have the unique capacity for self-reflection. We can think about thinking. We don’t stop to think about how unique this is and what it means to have this ability. Think about this for a minute. It means that I can spy on myself. I can watch my thoughts as they form in my mind. You, too, can watch your thoughts. So, who is the watcher? And, who is being watched?
I discovered that there are two “I” s or two of me. One “I” can watch the other “I.” I knew intimately the “I” that was being watched. I knew it to be me. It was whom I thought was me. The “I” that was doing the watching was new to me; this is where my newfound knowledge got interesting. I learned that the “I” that did the watching was the real me. The other “I” is an impostor. The “I” that I thought was me is an impostor. The Silent Witness[1], the one doing the watching, is my authentic self, I learned. It is who I am.
Learning that there is a “real me” and an “impostor” was a profound insight. It has changed me. Knowing who I believed to be me was the impostor was an awakening for me. This impostor is my ego. I am not my ego.
It was freeing not to have to keep feeding my ego. It takes much energy to hold on to one’s self-image. Letting go of it was a relief for me. I was free to be who I am. It is freeing not to pretend to be someone I am not.
In the language of Silicon Valley, getting to know the real me has been transformational and disruptive. I am not who I was. I get to reinvent myself. I am at peace with myself, and my life is on a new trajectory.
Rumi [1]
When I am not. I am”
Good God, It's Me! 